Why Are We Kinder with Strangers Than with Our Loved Ones?

We do not always realize that we have different patterns of behavior. And, interestingly, people are more inclined to demonstrate their wrong sides toward their loved ones. Everybody will agree that in front of strangers, we often try to show ourselves better than we really are. And only relatives see us in all our glory. When communicating with strangers, we usually advertise ourselves. It is like a job interview. Therefore, we often behave courteously and say not what we really mean, but what will please the interlocutor. In general, we try to demonstrate the plausible sides of our personality. Besides, a stranger is not yet a specific person to us, so we treat him positively by default.

We often behave rather ugly in a flash of rage or irritation with our parents, for example. And then we are tormented by remorse that we would not allow ourselves to behave like that before anyone else. Or we may experience the same attitude from the closest people. The person you love may mistreat you with no reason for it. Why does it happen?

  •  We are sure that nothing can affect our close relationships.

In public, we have to follow etiquette and show a happy face to look kind and polite. But we immediately relax in the circle of close people. To be yourself means to show every side of your personality, including the bad ones. We tend to unknowingly express our indignation towards people with whom we feel closest. We believe nothing can ruin our relationship. And this false confidence increases the risk to cross the boundaries of trust.

  • We are less confident with strangers.

We rarely show our true nature to new acquaintances. These people just won’t see our real version until we reach a certain point of interaction. At the same time, we feel more comfortable to comment when our close person does something annoying. We are not afraid to criticize them openly and start an argument.

  • We do not tolerate the shortcomings of the loved ones.

The hatred of some traits of your loved one does not appear out of the blue. It accumulates with the time spent together. Kylie Mon, a psychologist and perply spanish teacher says that constant irritation is the root of our disgraceful treatment of those closest to us. It does not happen to strangers because we do not spend enough time together to notice their weak sides.

We all know people who seem adorable for new acquaintances and are real monsters for the loved ones. It is difficult to avoid the temptation to be kind in the eyes of others. In this case, the dividends are higher, and there is feedback. It is more challenging to show similar feelings to those who meet every day in the same kitchen and solve common problems. But it is worth trying to develop some empathy. Your closest people should not be the target of your ongoing aggression. Keep silent instead of advising if something has already happened. Close your eyes to any shortcomings of your family members and close friends. Do not get annoyed and do not break down at your relatives, even if the day was not easy. They deserve your warmth and kindness most of all.

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